Russian-Sexy Jokes-Humor Jokes-Fun Jokes - Reagan tells Soviet jokes

Vodka Cure Everything:

Doctor: This medicine is for insomnia, this one is for nervous break-down, and also take this one for depression.
Patient: Thank you very much, doctor, but do you have any other medicine besides vodka?

NASA scientists spent a decade:

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.
The Russians used a pencil.

Financial Crisis:

- I can not sleep well because of this global financial crisis!
- Well, I sleep like a baby!
- Really?
- Yes, I wake up each hour and cry!

I LOVE PEOPLE & CULTURES, THEREFORE THIS HUB IS JUST FOR FUN. NOTHING SERIOUS JUST FUNNY, SO HAVE FUN.

Your were the only Girl Scout to bring your own sheets to camp

You have a set of “home” clothes that you change into after school/work

All the Russian boys you know are alcoholic, chauvinist, arrogant, materialistic, computer programmers, but you’re still trying!

Your parents are waiting for a nice Russian-Jewish doctor…but they’ll take an American lawyer just the same!

As far as you parents are concerned, you still don’t know where babies come from

You know the dirt on every Russian person your age in a ten mile radius (even if you haven’t met them)

Your mother calls you on a daily basis to make sure you’re dressed warmly and eating well

You hair is either black, curly, frizzy, or all of the above (note, this mostly applies to the "nice Russian-Jewish" girls) clearly Russian-Russian girls have all sorts of straight brown/blond/red hair

Your house permanently smells like kasha

You offer all of you guests tea, regardless of season or time of day

All the grandmothers you know or just met try to set you up with a nice Russian boy from a wonderful family

You don't sit next to that girl in the cafeteria because your grandmother told your mother that her father's ex-girlfriend is a loose woman and you never know how kids in that kind of family can turn out (so bad!)

The words "I love you" pale in comparison to "ya tebya lublu"

The pet names lastatchka, solnushko, and krasavetsa are so much better than honey and sweetie!

Whenever your room gets messy you see your mom shaking her head in disbelief and saying "ti devotchka!"

You STILL worry about sitting on cold surfaces because as a child you were told it would make you infertile

You thinking showing up to someone's house for dinner (or any occasion for that matter) empty-handed is a criminal offense

A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.

"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Briton "They must be British."

"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."

No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian."

Announcement in the Soviet Union village: "Lecture about love (with pictures)". All the countrymen gathered in the village club.
Lecturer: Love can be between a man and a woman...
Countrymen: Pictures! Pictures!
Lecturer: Also love can be between a man and a man...
Countrymen: Pictures! Pictures!
Lecturer: Besides love can be between a woman and a woman...
Countrymen: Pictures! Pictures!
Lecturer: And finally there is love for our country, Soviet Union... And now the pictures!

♥ Russian people like to buy expensive cars.

♥ No matter you drink or not content level of Vodka in their blood is permanent.
♥ You are crazy about leather outfits, weather doesn't matter.
♥ Friday or Saturday night are having fun with friends.
♥ Your most favorite love song in Russia is Track 1 of the New York Underground Party Volume 3 CD.
♥ You can't live without partying, cell phone, and food.
♥ Common method of communications in class room is text messaging in Russian.
♥ Your parents party with your friend's parents.
♥ People use your connections to buy cheap stuff.
♥ Blyat and nahuy words are used most frequently in daily conversations.
♥ You know Nokia's new model months before they are in the market
♥ You don't mind family get-togethers because you know the grandmas will be making dinner
♥ You know all the cops by their first names.
♥ You have a relative who is either in Russian Mafia or an ex employee of the KGB.
♥ People can identify you by the smell of scent (D&G or Aqua de Gio cologne).
♥ Playing strip durak at the last party you went you met your the girl friend.
♥ You have more than 20 speeding, red light, stop sign tickets but there is no record of it in Harrisburg.
♥ Everyone in your friends or family circle has a Ruchka or Smirnoff in their trunk.
♥ Saturday morning when you wake up you see your car in the parking but you don't remember who give you ride home because you can't even walk. (you drove home yourself).
♥ You think mixing bread with vodka is a good combination.

♥ Most of the girls you know are Olga’s, Anna’s, Natasha’s and Vikas

♥ Your license plate is personalized.

♥ You ride in the last train car When you are going to downtown.

♥ Friday/Saturday night phone calls to your friends starts with "So what are we doing tonight?"

♥ You got your fake International Driving License through a friend who goes to Kingsborough.

♥ You always wear your gold chains and bracelets, when you go to the gym.

♥ Some English words like "use, shop, apply, and etc." permanently become a part of your conversational speech and they start conjugating according to Russian language rules.

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